Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Trains

The only way to see India is by train. Anyone who tells you different has never been thrown around the inside of an Indian bus like a clown at a rodeo. Actually, now that I think of it, a helicopter would be a decent way to see the country, or rocket boots! Yeah, rocket boots. Okay, let's start again. The only way to see India is by rocket boots. But until China sets up monkey staffed rocket boot plant, none of us will be able to afford them. So trains it is.

The trains in India are cheap, reliable, and guarantee interaction with colorful locals. My favorite so far was the flaming transvestite from Bikaner who entered our compartment slapping his sari-clad thigh and huffing through his nose. I had no idea what to make of this guy, but with emphatic nods and gestures I convinced him that Ben was extremely interested in all that he had to offer. Another prize was the mouthy, sweater-vested bureaucrat who happens to hold the world record for motorcycling through the five highest mountain passes in the world in the least amount of time. He is currently in touch with Guinness to make it official.

Yes the trains in India are a wonderful experience. They never seem to top 30 miles an hour and can't make it 15 miles without stopping at another village. People seem to live absolutely everywhere in India. Currently about 10, 000 people permanently live in the Calcutta train station. Ben even found a family of seven crammed into his fanny pack. Talk about valuable real-estate, Trump Fanny Packs can't be far BEHIND. Ha! (I sincerely apologize for this pun and promise to restrain myself in the future. Please keep reading. Pretty please.)

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